I never knew there was a Sarcasm Society but they had a great collection of quotes that I’m sharing here.
» Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
» It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
» It’s a catastrophic success.
» I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
- Stephen Bishop
» History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
» No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
» I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
» I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
» I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
» I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
- Groucho Marx
» The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa
» The 100% American is 99% idiot.
» The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
- George Bernard Shaw
» He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
» Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
- Oscar Wilde
» He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
- Victor Borge
» I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
» Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.
» Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.
» Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
» I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
- Mark Twain
» I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow
» If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
- Charles Pierce
» You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
» A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
» He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
» Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
» He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln
» He is a self-made man and worships his creator.
- Irvin S. Cobb
» He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
- Forrest Tucker
» He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.
- Billy Wilder
» The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn’t have to watch.
- Dave Barry
» It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
- Caron de Beaumarchais
» Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
- Ambrose Bierce
» Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
- Samuel Butler
» I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?
- Jean Cocteau
» The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.
- J. Paul Getty
» When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
- Eric Hoffer
» A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
- Kin Hubbard
» Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
- Oscar Levant
» Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in memory as the wish to forget it.
- Montaigne
» The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.
- Ogden Nash
» I wish we were better strangers.
» I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.
- Unknown
» As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. » I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
- Woody Allen
» I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
» Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. - Frank Lloyd Wright
» We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time. - Vince Lombardi
» A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. - Gore Vidal
» When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Goethe
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